02/27/24 11:00pm CST

happy birthday geegi.tk

having a twin be like. picking up the fone, saying happy birthday, other person is like-- oh yeah happy birthday to you too. hang up

12/30/23 12:42pm CST

being pro mediocrity is being pro process . being pro expertmanship in art at least only promotes death instinct ? hm ?

12/29/23 6:41pm CST

feeling good and yet overwhelmed with the ideas i have floating around this semester.

watched across the spiderverse today. a great animated film. need to read more queer art o failure. very animation pilled which i enjoy okay bai.

:3

12/27/23 9:07pm

idk why i feel compelled to write this.

but i just feel like all my problems are just manifestations of this deep inner conflict with myself. this deep self loathing, this big ego i am fighting.

every time i am in these states, it helps to do a couple things: be with people do yoga breathe

It just took

some acceptance with the events at hand, and some focused energy innerwards to take me out of the spiral.

it looks like this was true of this persons experience

everything would stop moving and changing , as soon as i would let go and face change. then things would begin to be "normal" it was like my inner conflicts instead of being abstract were built explicitly within my perception or subconscious

this essay is making me think similar things, as well as the ram dass thing it cites.

which begs the question if it is connected with my perception or subconscious, which if its ever a question whether two things connect or not, the answer is yes.

this brings me to discuss the art thing

if i bring myself to care about everything and everyone

and if caring necessitates identification with the thing at hand

if i begin identifying myself with my work and things

i will begin to see myself in it.

and if the root, as soleste says, is all Me. and i have this inner conflict. then i am the one who need be fixed. i just. will start to hurt the things around me because if i am addicted to hurting myself

and i care about things

and caring means identification with an other

then caring for others will mean hurting others